Love, Choice, and Independence: What No One Talks About

Let’s be real. Adults with disabilities want the same things as anyone else. They want connection, love, friendship, intimacy, and the chance to live life on their own terms. And yet, most of the world acts like these things are either off-limits or too complicated for them.

Just to be clear, this isn’t a bash at anyone. I am not calling out individuals or teams. I am talking about systems, routines, and mindsets that unintentionally limit adults with disabilities from living fully.

I’ve worked in human services for almost 18 years supporting both kids and adults, and the same problem keeps popping up. Adults want to make their own decisions, try new experiences, and explore relationships, but so often they are blocked, ignored, or treated like children. It happens through rules, routines, and gatekeeping in programs. Even small choices like going to an event, picking an activity, or exploring a new friendship can be shut down.

Many of the adults I work with, especially 3 out of 5 of my 1:1s, talk openly about wanting to be loved. They want connection in a way that feels real and equal. And it’s so hard for them to find it. There are almost no safe, real-world spaces for them to meet people, try dating, or explore relationships. Because of that, some turn online where it can get risky. Cyber con artists, scams, and unsafe situations happen because there are not enough real-life options and support.

I’ve seen this across the board: residents in supported group living, adults living with their families, and even in day programs. One memory sticks out. Back when I worked in a group home, two individuals wanted to go on a movie date together. I helped organize it, thinking it was a simple, meaningful way for them to connect. And I got hell from a manager for it.

Even well-meaning staff, families, or professionals can unintentionally prevent adults from exploring relationships, making new friends, or trying something outside their usual routine. Rules, routines, or fear of risk can end up blocking experiences that matter. It doesn’t matter if the intention is good, the impact is the same. Adults miss out on connection, independence, and opportunities to live fully.

This is exactly what Bill 299/10 is supposed to prevent. It exists to ensure adults are treated like adults, to protect choice, autonomy, and voice. And yet, time and again, adults with disabilities are denied opportunities to explore relationships, friendships, and independence.

This is one of the biggest issues no one talks about. Adults with disabilities are human. They have desires, wants, and feelings just like anyone else. They should be allowed to explore relationships, learn about love, and make mistakes along the way. Treating them differently, infantilizing them, or saying that romance is off-limits is not protecting them. It is limiting them.

This also ties directly into independence. Independence is not a bonus. It is not something to earn if you behave perfectly. It is a right. And it includes the right to choose who you spend your time with, who you fall in love with, and how you explore your own desires. Restricting that, even with good intentions, is disrespectful to the person’s voice, their autonomy, and their life.

Society often assumes adults with disabilities cannot handle intimacy or personal relationships. That assumption is harmful. It isolates people. It tells them that their wants, feelings, and autonomy are not valid. Person-centred support is supposed to empower them. It is supposed to put the individual in the driver’s seat. Anything less is failing them.

I also want to be honest about why this drives me. I created Unique Optimism because I saw a gap. A gap in real-life, community-based experiences. A gap in opportunities for connection, friendship, adventure, and yes, love. The world too often keeps people on autopilot. That’s not living. Life should be messy, exciting, challenging, and yes, romantic if that’s what someone wants. Adults with disabilities deserve that too.

I also believe in transparency. Always. I don’t hide behind fancy words or pretend to know everything. What you see is what you get. And what I want to get across is simple. Adults with disabilities deserve chances to explore their own lives fully. They deserve to fall in love, to experience friendships and intimacy, to try and sometimes fail, and to have their choices respected.

And here’s a call to other professionals. If you run events, programming, or experiences that can create safe spaces for adults to meet new people, explore relationships, or just experience life, share it. Share it with me. Share it with the community. There is a serious need for more opportunities, and the more we create, the more people can thrive. Options are gold and the more the merrier.

A big part of why I stayed with Unique Optimism is to find ways to give these adults the opportunity to build new connections and friendships, especially with people outside of their everyday circles and routines. I am still working on creating this space. It has been met with a lot of resistance from outside forces, but I am stubborn and I will keep pushing.

At the end of the day, this is about humanity. About treating people like adults. About recognizing that autonomy, love, and connection are not privileges for some and off-limits for others. They are fundamental. And until the world treats adults with disabilities this way, we have work to do.

It’s time to stop holding people back. It’s time to give them space, guidance, and freedom. And it’s time to normalize love, relationships, and independence for everyone, without apology.

Because independence is a right. Connection is a right. Love is a right. And it is long overdue.