Things That Don’t Sit Right With Me in Disability Support

I’ve been in human services for over 18 years now, working across EA, CYW, SSW, Behavioural Support Worker, DSW, and more, supporting people from toddlers right through to seniors.

And after all that time, there are still things in this field, especially in disability support, that just don’t sit right with me.

I’ve also seen this from the other side too. This isn’t just work for me. I grew up in foster care, moved through over 17 homes, and spent time in a residential treatment centre when I was 14-15.

So when I say some of this doesn’t sit right with me, it’s not just from a professional lens, it’s lived too.

Let’s be real for a second, there are things in disability support that have been normalized for so long that people don’t even question them anymore. It becomes “just how things are done,” and over time that turns into accepted practice, even when it shouldn’t be.

I’m not saying this to bash anyone. A lot of people in this field genuinely care and want to do right by the people they support. But good intentions don’t always equal good impact, and that’s the part I think we need to be more honest about.

The Phone Thing

This one’s probably my biggest pet peeve in this field and even just in general.

If you’re supporting someone, be present. Not half there, not scrolling your phone, not deep into a personal conversation while someone’s sitting right in front of you.

I’m not talking about a quick check, documenting something or snapping a photo, that’s normal and we all do it. What I’m talking about is sitting beside someone while being glued to a screen for personal reasons like they’re not even there.

I’ve seen this way too often, especially in group homes, and it doesn’t sit right with me. Whether people mean it that way or not, it comes across as disrespectful. You’re there to support a human being, not your notifications. This is something I will actively call out at my programs and have a low tolerance for.

Talking to Adults Like They’re Kids

This one shouldn’t even be a thing, but it is.

Just because someone communicates differently doesn’t give anyone the right to talk to them like they’re a child. Tone matters, how you show up matters, and the way you speak to someone matters.

These are adults. They deserve to be treated like adults. You can be supportive, kind, and clear without being condescending, and that line gets crossed way too often in this field.

Support vs Control

There’s a big difference between supporting someone and controlling them, and I see that line get blurred all the time in disability support.

Encouragement and guidance are part of the role, but forcing decisions, creating power struggles, or constantly overriding someone’s choices is not person-centred support.

Unless something is genuinely unsafe or impacting someone’s health, people should have the autonomy to make their own decisions, even the ones we don’t agree with.

A lot of what gets labelled as behaviour is actually just someone pushing back because they’re not being heard, and that’s something we need to pay more attention to.

Inclusion Also Means Accountability

This one might be uncomfortable, but it’s something I don’t think gets talked about enough.

Inclusion isn’t just about access, it’s also about responsibility.

And yes, not everyone is at the same level when it comes to understanding actions and consequences. Some people need more support, more guidance, or a different approach, and that matters.

But I’ve also worked with a lot of adults with disabilities who know exactly what they’re doing, and I’ve seen situations where things get brushed off or people get let off the hook simply because they have a disability.

I’ve seen this not just within support settings, but in the community too, where things that would normally be taken seriously get overlooked or minimized, and over time that sends a message.

Over time, that becomes a pattern, and I’ve seen people openly say they know they can get away with things and then continue doing it, not because they’re bad people, but because that’s what’s been allowed.

That doesn’t sit right with me, because that’s not real inclusion.

Real inclusion means being part of society, and that comes with both rights and expectations. It means understanding boundaries, consequences, and that respect goes both ways.

Holding someone to a standard, when they’re capable of meeting it, isn’t unfair, it’s part of supporting them to live in the real world, not a bubble.

Avoiding accountability might feel easier or kinder in the moment, but long term, it does more harm than good.

Life Exists Outside of Four Walls

We don’t talk about this enough in support work.

Getting outside, moving your body, and changing the environment can make a massive difference in someone’s mood, behaviour, and overall well-being. Even something as simple as a short walk or sitting outside for ten minutes can shift everything.

I’ve seen it time and time again. Heightened behaviours, low mood, lack of motivation, and then things start to regulate just by getting outside.

Life is bigger than sitting inside the same four walls every day, and people deserve to experience more than that.

Doing For vs Supporting To

I get it, it’s easier and faster to just do things for someone. But what are we actually teaching when we do that?

Real support is about helping someone build skills. It’s about giving them the tools, the time, and the space to try, to struggle a bit, and to figure things out for themselves.

That’s where confidence comes from, that’s where growth happens, and honestly, that’s where real connection is built too.

At the End of the Day

This field has a lot of good people in it, and I truly believe that.

But there are also things that have been normalized that need to be questioned.

After nearly two decades in human services and disability support, I’m not interested in just going along with what’s always been done, I’m interested in doing better.

Because this isn’t about routines, policies, or making things easier on us, it’s about people.

And people deserve more than “this is just how it is.”